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Hey there! You made it to the information download page to learn how and where to advertise!

Just fill in your name and email address below and the Link and Resource pdf will be delivered to your inbox.

It’ll be fun to see your name in whatever directory or medium you choose to advertise in. It’s a big step to make a commitment to do paid advertising. And it takes some skill to get your name out for free.

It can all be done, whichever form you choose and I hope these links and information are helpful to you.

Best to you!

Know Like and Trust
Crystal Yarlott, Officiant and Collaborator

 

 

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Your Who What’s and Where’s

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What’s the Cure for Easafrust?

meditation

OMG! It’s so noisy in here!! It’s Easafrust!!

Black Panther, Round 5

This wasn’t a comment I made to my best friend while we waited to get seated in our favorite Cajun restaurant in town. Nor was I at the theater listening to all the chatter before I saw Black Panther for the 5th time.

Nope, I was noticing the loud chatter that was going on in my head when I first sat down to meditate.

Every Day

After a journaling exercise I do ever day, I settle back and meditate to one of my favorite recordings. Other times I opt to set the timer to 20 minutes on my iphone and go through a relaxation technique that helps me quiet my body so I can then open up to possibilities that exist beyond the noise.

Because it doesn’t take long to get boisterous inside my head again. But I’ve definitely noticed since I’ve consistently and unrelentingly practiced meditation, I’ve become all-round kinder, gentler, wiser, and more likely to do an about face when 55 some years of practicing self-criticism/not doing enough-ness strikes a blow to my resolve.

Easafrust Defined

I suffer from “Easafrust”. That means I’m frustrated pretty easily because I feel like I work so hard and lose faith when I don’t see immediate results.

NOTE: If you’ve ever suffered from the need to please disease, you may also have a strain of Easafrust that flairs up in your life.

So my fellow officiant, does your life show any signs of Easafrust?

Long Term Prescription

If so, then my prescription for you is to start a meditation practice. It’s a long term prescription, like an herbal remedy takes time to work. Not fast acting like an aspirin.

So you have to be prepared for the long term. If you want a quick fix, you’ll do what I’ve done way too many times. From a state of worry, concern, panic, hurry to get something done you and I jump onto the bandwidth of the latest quick fix including

  • 30 seconds of our time entrusted to Mr. Fancy car and mansion will make us rich quick,
  • Weight will come off or clomp on effortlessly in just 20 minutes a week
  • Doubting or Believing who really can make America great

In other words, we’ll look for someone else to cure your problem but our desire to do the right thing is obliterated by all the noise of worry and fear.
The only way to completely find what’s true and right for you, to set your path in the direction of your best what’s next, is to turn inside yourself.

Get quiet. Listen.

Wait for IT…

…AND THEN take action.

I know it’s not easy. Like I said in the beginning, it’s noisy in there.

In a Worse Situation

But what’s noisier is when you and I make a choice out of fear and worry and then we find ourself in a worse situation, have to back peddle or apologize for years or wish we had the $500 we just spent on an online course that will only work if you take the NEXT course the teacher offers.

I remember when I was looking around for a new, more lucrative career option. I love animals so I checked out all things dog-related. I even considered starting a business picking up dog poop for people in their back yards. I considered going back to school to learn website design, event planning and eventually I thought about caring for Alzheimers patients.

But nothing felt right.

Then I just sat down and said, I have to meditate through this. I’m getting nowhere fast. It was noisy in my head, absolutely and for sure.

What Else Can I Do With My Life?

Bit by bit, I relaxed my body, quieted my mind and just used a simple affirmation: “Spirit shows me what else I can do with my life”.

That was it. Time in, time out. Noisy to quiet to noisy, freaking busy thoughts.

And to quiet now and then. Still no big voice came out of nowhere, no flash of insight.

What’s In That Email?

But one day I got an impulse to open up an email from Louise Hays. (My confession – I loved her presence in the world but I didn’t have much time to read so I rarely opened her emails.)

In the email was a recommendation for a person who taught students how to add value to their work. It occurred to me I didn’t have to start anything new. I could add to what I was already doing! How fun would THAT be!

A Huge Difference

I took the course. I found faith again that things COULD change. The investment (which was substantial) made a huge difference in my income level.

Next I felt that I needed a life coach, someone to help me stay on track. Because the thought persisted, rather than resist I checked out a few coaches for hire but connections didn’t happen.

Synergy Strikes Again

Then in a moment of synergy, I got a LinkedIn notice from an old friend who happened to be a life coach. I emailed her back, told her what was going on and hallelujah — she offered to coach me for free. (I LOVE YOU NANCY!!)

As we worked together, she off-handedly recommended a meditation recording she’d had success with that I still listen to. This mp3 has made the hugest difference in my life. More faith. More imagination. Much, much better attitude.

All because of meditation.

In It For The Long Haul

The noise STILL crops up. Heck, I’ve been practicing being worried for a long time so that noise probably isn’t going to be rewired in my brain “EASILY IN JUST A FEW SHORT WEEKS.”

Meditation is like starting a business that thrives — you have to be in it for the long haul.

But if you don’t start, if you don’t find the method that’s right for you, the chance you take is continuing to make decision from noise and then you really don’t know WHAT you’re listening to

As one wise person was once told (and I paraphrase here): Wisdom and love comes from the still, small voice inside.”

If you’re game to give meditation a good try, I’ve put together a guide to the steps I use to get into meditation. You can sign up to get it below.

There’s also a link to a meditation I recorded that will help you get into a state of receptivity. It’s pretty close to the MP3 meditation I’ve been using for so long, but I’ve amended it so it’s geared for an officiant.

And because I know I might not have the style right for you, here’s a link to another teacher who knows the value of meditation by Rick Rebman. Check out 5 Powerful Benefits of a Quiet Mind.

Kinder and Wiser

When you’ve given meditation a consistent try, you’ll begin to notice you’re kinder and wiser. Subtle changes will  surprise you when they happen.

You’ll be gently shown the next steps because they’ll line themselves up for you and just plain feel right.

The Self You Want to Be

The success, the answers, the self you want to be begins to take shape, right before your very eyes.

Namasté
Rev Crystal Y

For information on our new officiant prep online courses, fill out our simple Contact Us form. We’d love to hear from you!

The Way You Look as an Officiant

First time wedding

The Way You Look

I think you’re beautiful,

This is true, first and foremost. I don’t care what your age is, whether you’re skinny, tall, overweight, bulky, baggy, saggy or boney. You’re a part of this world, and you’re beautiful.

Your situation may be far different from mine. You might not have the money to dress well (or want to), especially in the beginning of your career as an Officiant. It’s okay. You’re amazing. Look at all you’ve been through! What’s true about how you look and what it’s important, is because who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t see what you look like.

Now — remember how beautiful you are as I ask you:   how do you feel about the way you look when you officiate? Good? Unsure? Like a million or a couple of bucks?

All of it affects your confidence level. And people are drawn to confidence because they want it for themself. Confidence is a healing power, and a business building asset.

So let’s reexamine the expectations of the way you look outside as an Officiant first.

Next week we’ll talk about reinventing the way you think about yourself as an Officiant inside.

Reinventing the role

Reinventing the role of Officiant is making leaps and bounds up and down and all around these days. Examining the way you look as an Officiant is part of that reinvention process we’re in.

On one of my favorite podcasts, co-host Rev. Clint  tells about being asked to dress up like Elvis at one of his first weddings. He didn’t care for it and never did it again.

Las Vegas isn’t the only cool place in the country

Some of you may shout, “Oh contraire! I love to dress up, dress out, dress oddly.” Theme weddings are not only held in way cool Las Vegas or cultish New Orleans alone. You may have one in your own backyard!

FB Group research

You can see what other officiants are wearing in their posts in various FB groups. The clothes they wear ranges from super casual to robes with cleric collars, to a suit and tie, or an elegant dress. You can see some of us dressed in our choices in our Private Facebook Group.

(Side comment:  Any man of any age or size looks GREAT in a tuxedo.)

What you wear obviously reflects your knowledge of the couple you’re officiating for – whether their wedding is formal or casual, beachy or woodsy.

Going Too Far

I had a conversation with an Officiant on FB about her groom wearing a t-shirt that had profanity in big bold letters on it. You can read that rant, Why Our Officiant Relationship is Unique.

Her acceptance really took me aback but that may be what’s important to her — anything goes.

Few Basic Guidelines for the Way You Look

In any event, here’s some guidelines I use for this reason:  Officiants deserve to be a respected member of a couple’s wedding day. I have a hard time thinking that respect is being generated when the groom wears F__k on his shirt.

These suggestions can help you implement building a good reputation so you can feel more confident and are aware of your choices.

The way you look
Rosalind Lynch Church looking official in the middle but doesn’t overshadow the Bride

1. Never upstage the bride. Choose more conservative attire, even if you’re doing a theme-based ceremony.

a.  The bride and her partner need to be the center of attention. I’ve seen some officiants look so flashy that it almost looks like s/he is competing for attention. One example is a new officiant wore a cocktail gown with a low v-neckline. She was sexier and flashier than the bride who was quite overweight.

Wearing White

b.  Watch your own use of white and off-white. Even in contemporary weddings there seems to be a touch back to tradition that the bride is the only one wearing white or off-white.

2. Let your couple know what you like to wear and make sure they don’t have expectations that you’ll arrive looking like a pastor or conversely, a wild woman.

AND /OR

3.  Ask your couple if they have a preference for how you look and/or dress. Oklahoma Wedding Officiant
a.  One of my fellow officiant teams wants their couple to make a clothing preference choice for their wedding. They’ve got photos on their website of them dressed in each different optional outfit. I’ve heard others do this as well. I do not.
b.  Do you think you’re expected to wear a collar, a robe or a stole? Check with your couple first to see if this is really true. It’s pretty safe to say that many contemporary couples are absolutely fine with your wearing contemporary clothing.
c. Every couple is different. Some care, some absolutely don’t. Others WANT you to be comfortable whatever you wear.

4. Be prepared for nasty, windy, cold or stifling, hot, humid weather.
a.  If It’s cold, I always let the couple know being cold is my least favorite activity in the whole world. I warn them I may wear long pants and a raincoat, wool coat rather than my usual simple dress. I also make sure I know they are the center of attention, not me.

If It’s Hot

b.  When I’ve done a beach wedding (which is often synonymous with HOT, I always ask beforehand if it’s okay to wear flip-flops or go barefoot. A lot of couple’s end up kicking their shoes off or dressing down a notch or two when there’s a wedding at the water’s edge.
c.  Wear a hat to protect yourself from mid-day sun. Make sure you batten down the hatches if the weather forecast is supposed to be windy.

5.  Check your pearly whites.  I’m embarrassed to mention this. I’ve failed to look in the mirror with a smile to check for spinach and sesame seeds several times when I’m in a hurry.  Therefore,
a.  Floss or brush your teeth before you grab your ceremony and head for the wedding site.
b.  If you make videos for or about your couples, check your teeth, especially after meals and then get in front of the camera.

6.  Bless the wind. Full skirts? Do I need to tell you to prepare for your Marilyn Monroe above the sidewalk vent moment?

7. Don’t work in the garden before your wedding. OMG I’ve done this way too many times. Then I’m digging dirt out of my nails or trying to touch up nail polish as I’m walking into the venue. And yes, I took a shower! Digging in the dirt can be so rewarding but wait until you get back to pull those weeds or plant those sunflower seeds.

8. Put your outfit together and ready the day before. (Forgive me sounding like your mother…)
a. Make sure your outfit is ironed unless you like the wrinkled linen look. Even an inexpensive outfit looks better when it’s been freshly ironed. TIP:  Sometimes if I have a long drive to a wedding site, I’ll wear my jeans and change into my marryin’ outfit once I get to the location.
b. No spots, and is clean.
c. Women, if you wear them, make sure you always have an extra pair of nylons available. Those pesky runs probably aren’t going to be too distracting but still. I always feel better when I’m put together. (Hey that rhymes!)

Please leave a comment — gimme the shelter of feedback!!

Tell me what you think of these suggestions. What have you worn? Can you post a picture of yourself in what you usually wear on the blog or on the FB page? 

I’d love to see, and I’m sure other officiants who follow this blog would love to see what your wedding clothing is.

Want more ways to reinvent the traditional officiant role? Get the free download, 5 Stress Free Ways to Officiate an Unforgettable Wedding. Watch for it to pop up if it hasn’t already.

What did you get out of the post? Let me know.  Email me at crystal@officianttraining.com.

I look forward to hearing your stories about leading a couple in their I Do’s.

Namaste,

Rev. Crystal

For information on our new officiant prep online courses, fill out our simple Contact Us form. We’d love to hear from you!

 

 

Sober, Stoned and Legal Issues

Legal issues

Legal Issues Guide

One of the biggest questions asked in the officiant Facebook groups I’m part of are about legal issues for Officiants. Now, I’m not super up on all legal matters, but I do know some. Better to know some than to ignore the good.

To get the guide Sober, Stone and Legal, fill in the form below and it’ll be quickly delivered to your inbox.

The following video is from a Facebook Live I did on Thursday, November 9, ’18. Let me know what your biggest takeaway is.

Please consider yourself invited to join the private facebook group if you’re not already a member. Click here to join:   I DO Wedding Officiant Prep .

Is Online Ordination Legal?

For more information about why online ordination is legal in the United States, one of the largest internet ordination services, the Universal Life Church gives you the history including legal battles for the right to ordain on the internet, as well as see a copy of their Articles of Incorporation by clicking HERE.

Thanks for caring!

I look forward to hearing about your experiences leading a couple as they say their I Do’s.

Rev Crystal Y

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For information on our new officiant prep online courses, fill out our simple Contact Us form. We’d love to hear from you!

Why Our Officiant Relationship is Unique

Our Officiant Relationship is Unique -- Courtney and Trenton

You can listen to me rant this blog post here:  Why Our Officiant Relationship with our Couple is Unique.

My Rant About the Unique Officiant Relationship with Couples

Recently I had a very long FB conversation with a fellow Officiant in an Officiant FB group. Right off the bat let me say that it was civil and we learned about each other.

What piqued my interest was the photo she’d posted on the page. In the photo she looked very happy that she’d just done this simple vow exchange ceremony. Her comment was that her friend had PhotoShopped the picture so her hair didn’t look as bad as it had in reality.

But what got me was the groom had gotten married while wearing a T-shirt with the word F__K on it. In Bold. Center of the shirt.

Really honey pie? You couldn’t find anything else to wear? That’s the statement about life you wanted to make on your wedding day?

What’s Disrespectful about F__K

I was floored. I commented that I’d have made him change his shirt before I’d have conducted anything for him. “I didn’t realize I’m getting as sour as I am” but I continued that it seemed very disrespectful of the serious AND joyful event that was taking place.

“The bride didn’t seem to mind,” she wrote. “After all I’m just a vendor providing a product or service for a fee, so who am I say anything?”

Which on one hand I can totally agree with.

But on the other hand, to think of ourselves as a vendor is to diminish the importance that we are standing there when two people make these promises to each other that tie their karma, their intentions, their past, present and future to one another.

If Their I DO’s Don’t Stick

If the couple doesn’t take their vows seriously and their I DO’s don’t stick, this breach of trust could cause a lot of grief, anger, disappointment, and heartbreak not only for themselves but for family and friends too.

AND let’s not forget it can cost a LOT of money to get unhitched.

Our Relationship is Unique

Because we are the ones who share the moment with them in a way no other vendor does, that we actually lead them in their vows and then sign on to the fact they’ve exchanged these important promises, our relationship with them IS unique.

And because for some (obviously not the groom in question) there is a bit of mystique that still surrounds (thankfully) the office of Officiant, we have the opportunity to bring to bear the spiritual significance of the event. As we stand in our spiritual “Office” we should also ooze that we respect and value what we do.

We are more than reciters of an often repeated ceremony.

We say more with our words than “have you come here freely to marry one another.”

We are the holders of the importance of the commitment of marriage, of the delight that love has graced our couple’s life.

We Officiants hold this importance first by respecting the institution of marriage and the courage a couple has to have in order to risk promising “until death do us part”, even “through all the changes of our lives” to one another.

And helping them to respect it as well.

If they don’t respect this, then we have a teaching moment on our hands.

Because I feel in many ways we’re way too casual about the kind of things that can do lasting harm.

The Internet is Your Congregation

Consider this too. Even though many of us were ordained by simply signing up online, the only reason anyone was able to do this is because we agreed the internet was our congregation.

And congregations are spiritual in nature.

There is still an aura of ministry around being an Officiant. And ministry gives us a power to influence, my friends. It touches that which is greater than one’s self and can bring magic, delight and wonder into our life.

An f’ing t-shirt can’t do that.

So recognize your “aura” shall we say, the power of being an Officiant and use it wisely. Lead your clients and potential clients through your words and actions that the ceremonial act they’re signing up for is a beautiful, awesome event.

Because love truly is a many splendored thing.

And Mr. F t-shirt, if you can’t for 5 minutes respectfully acknowledge that and relegate your crass garb to mowing the lawn or fixing the carburetor, then I’m not the Officiant for you. You can either take that shirt off for a civil one or I’ll refund the fee you paid me.

Can I say it again? Being an Officiant is one of the most fun professions ever. And it carries weight, power and as such deserves respect.

This is why I believe our relationship with our clients is unlike any other relationship on the wedding team.

Our service and product is of the heart. We’ll remain in our couple’s memory for many years to come.

Take Advantage of Teaching Moments

Take advantage of teaching moments. And stand for the beauty and depth of the promises two people are going to make to each other.

Thank you for listening. My rant is now over.

Respectfully,

Rev. Crystal Yarlott

 

For information on our new officiant prep online courses, fill out our simple Contact Us form. We’d love to hear from you!

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